1 00:01:29,137 --> 00:01:30,237 Honey ...? 2 00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:08,370 I want a divorce, Michael ... 3 00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,070 Well, well, looks like the gang's all here. 4 00:06:41,103 --> 00:06:42,702 Hey, Damn near, anyway. 5 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,736 Hey, kiddo. 6 00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:44,736 Hey, rock star. 7 00:06:46,237 --> 00:06:48,802 I guess you prefer comfort over tradition, huh? 8 00:06:48,836 --> 00:06:50,636 Hey, I don't do ties. 9 00:06:50,669 --> 00:06:53,303 Well, still, you look good. 10 00:06:54,970 --> 00:06:56,937 How's the band doing? 11 00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:59,070 The band's actually broken up. 12 00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:01,802 I'm scrambling for my next check right now. 13 00:07:01,836 --> 00:07:06,203 Hey, who needs that angst-rock crap anyway, Right? Go solo. 14 00:07:06,237 --> 00:07:07,769 The glass is always half-full, huh? 15 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,502 Yeah. Half-full of whiskey. 16 00:07:12,502 --> 00:07:13,602 Good to see you! 17 00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,070 Bin like five years? 18 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,170 You, uh ... you look well. 19 00:07:19,203 --> 00:07:20,669 Ya well Maybe you could have called me and 20 00:07:20,702 --> 00:07:22,170 told me that five years ago. 21 00:07:23,403 --> 00:07:25,303 I meant to call ... 22 00:07:25,337 --> 00:07:27,569 Alright but you should have called me five years ago. 23 00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:32,070 I meant to... Really ... 24 00:07:33,303 --> 00:07:37,836 Wow Five years? Really that's a long time, Come on guy's . 25 00:07:37,869 --> 00:07:40,037 Why did we all fall out of touch like that ha ? 26 00:07:40,070 --> 00:07:43,736 Well, I know Shane's excuse. What's yours? 27 00:07:43,769 --> 00:07:46,237 Hey, I'm a on going social engagement, You know what 28 00:07:46,270 --> 00:07:49,037 Im saying? What's yours ? 29 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,070 College? 30 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,270 Please? 31 00:07:51,303 --> 00:07:54,702 I don't know. It didn't feel like that long ago. 32 00:07:54,736 --> 00:07:58,736 Until... you know, until I got 33 00:07:58,769 --> 00:07:59,569 Yaa... 34 00:07:59,602 --> 00:08:01,337 That call last week. 35 00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:06,137 Michael. Anybody know how it happened? 36 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:12,402 I heard something on the news. The police said it was murder 37 00:08:12,436 --> 00:08:13,736 Damn. 38 00:08:14,736 --> 00:08:16,736 Why would somebody murder Michael? 39 00:08:18,337 --> 00:08:20,736 I don't know. But it happened here. 40 00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:24,569 They said it was a robbery Michael woke up to them 41 00:08:24,602 --> 00:08:26,137 ransacking his house. 42 00:08:27,736 --> 00:08:29,636 And now, we're here for his viewing 43 00:08:29,669 --> 00:08:32,003 At his ... ... very big, exotic mansion? 44 00:08:32,037 --> 00:08:34,602 Ya..Its a wonderful world we live in isn't it 45 00:08:36,402 --> 00:08:37,970 So ... where is everybody? 46 00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:41,402 Define "everybody"? Ol' Mikey was an orphan -- that's how 47 00:08:41,436 --> 00:08:42,836 he got this place when he turned eighteen. 48 00:08:42,869 --> 00:08:45,170 ell I think we're as close as it gets to 49 00:08:45,203 --> 00:08:46,303 "friends and family". 50 00:08:46,337 --> 00:08:48,469 Well, there's his brother. 51 00:08:48,502 --> 00:08:50,869 Peter? Are you kidding? 52 00:08:50,903 --> 00:08:53,003 Naa Those guys won't even live in the same country. 53 00:08:53,037 --> 00:08:56,436 Peter's probably on a yacht somewhere, throwing a party 54 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,237 And there's Michael's wife. 55 00:08:58,270 --> 00:09:00,170 What .. Mikey was married? 56 00:09:00,203 --> 00:09:00,970 So I heard, anyway. 57 00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:02,502 What... 58 00:09:03,636 --> 00:09:05,769 Well, one of us was bound to settle down and grow up, 59 00:09:05,802 --> 00:09:06,669 Eventually! 60 00:09:07,237 --> 00:09:08,970 Yaaa! 61 00:09:13,802 --> 00:09:15,802 Does anybody feel like we're being watched? 62 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,536 From where? 63 00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:20,336 There. 64 00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:22,937 They're arriving ... 65 00:09:25,369 --> 00:09:27,702 I saw it! Somebody's in there! 66 00:09:27,736 --> 00:09:29,070 That's a statue... 67 00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:30,336 No, No.. 68 00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:33,469 It is a funeral. It could be the funeral guy or a lawyer! 69 00:09:33,502 --> 00:09:36,869 It's somebody, that's for sure. 70 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:40,669 Well.. Should we wait out here? 71 00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:43,170 Well sure who whoever it is, there probably wondering why 72 00:09:43,203 --> 00:09:44,736 we are standing out here instead of going in side.. 73 00:09:44,769 --> 00:09:47,970 Probably ! After you? 74 00:10:20,569 --> 00:10:22,569 Hello. I've been expecting you. 75 00:10:25,336 --> 00:10:29,302 I'm Konner Friel, director of the Parkside Funeral Home. 76 00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:32,903 I was a friend of the deceased. 77 00:10:32,937 --> 00:10:35,402 You raaaaaaang ...? 78 00:10:35,436 --> 00:10:38,736 It was Michael's wish that the ceremony be kept small, and 79 00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,070 at his home. 80 00:10:42,269 --> 00:10:46,436 It seems you were expecting a large turnout, despite that. 81 00:10:46,469 --> 00:10:50,736 Mr. Stevenson was very popular in the community. We set up 82 00:10:50,769 --> 00:10:54,402 extra seats in the event that persons who were not directly 83 00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:56,669 invited were to show up. 84 00:10:56,702 --> 00:10:58,469 "Invited" 85 00:10:58,502 --> 00:11:01,070 Ya, Who gets "invited" to a funeral? 86 00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:04,602 I realize this is somewhat esoteric, but all will become 87 00:11:04,636 --> 00:11:08,037 clear shortly. It was necessary to inform you 88 00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:13,103 directly about the funeral. You see, Mr. Stevenson had 89 00:11:13,137 --> 00:11:18,836 recorded a living will before he died. It was very specific 90 00:11:18,869 --> 00:11:21,336 that you were contacted directly to attend 91 00:11:21,369 --> 00:11:22,436 the services. 92 00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:26,736 And we're it? 93 00:11:28,802 --> 00:11:32,502 I'll leave you to pay Mr. Stevenson your respects. When 94 00:11:32,536 --> 00:11:35,669 you're ready, I have some business matters to discuss 95 00:11:35,702 --> 00:11:36,669 with you. 96 00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:44,836 Can you believe this freakshow? 97 00:11:44,869 --> 00:11:47,003 Man , Oh Man.. 98 00:11:47,037 --> 00:11:52,170 My sentiment exactly. How did this happen? 99 00:11:52,202 --> 00:11:54,669 How could we let five years go by? 100 00:11:54,702 --> 00:11:56,769 I mean we were best friends back in school. 101 00:11:56,802 --> 00:11:59,702 It happens. People drift apart ... 102 00:12:00,802 --> 00:12:06,536 Cremation, huh? Not me, man. Live fast, die young, 103 00:12:06,569 --> 00:12:09,702 leave a good- looking corpse. You know what i mean.. 104 00:12:09,736 --> 00:12:11,937 Why do we always think we're so young and this 105 00:12:11,970 --> 00:12:14,369 could never happen to us? 106 00:12:14,402 --> 00:12:17,669 Because we are and it usually doesn't. 107 00:12:17,702 --> 00:12:20,003 Michael lived a little wilder than the rest of us. 108 00:12:20,037 --> 00:12:23,502 So? That doesn't mean he Deserves this! 109 00:12:23,536 --> 00:12:26,769 I remember how he was back in school. Playing 110 00:12:26,802 --> 00:12:28,669 practical jokes on people ... 111 00:12:28,702 --> 00:12:31,269 Chasing anything in a skirt ... 112 00:12:31,302 --> 00:12:33,302 What? It's true! 113 00:12:34,736 --> 00:12:37,236 Just ... lay off, okay, Nero? 114 00:12:37,269 --> 00:12:40,269 Look, you cats mourn how you wanna mourn, and 115 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,136 I'll mourn how I want to. Alright !! 116 00:12:43,103 --> 00:12:44,236 Jeez.... 117 00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:50,736 Here's to you, Michael, ol' buddy ol' Pal . You lived 118 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:54,469 fast, you died young and you left behind a ... 119 00:12:54,502 --> 00:13:00,103 small pile of ashes. And you were one rich S.O.B. 120 00:13:05,669 --> 00:13:09,003 Alan ...? Are you okay? 121 00:13:15,402 --> 00:13:18,336 Wow, I knew Alan was sensitive, But Damn.. 122 00:13:18,369 --> 00:13:20,469 Stop being such a jerk, Nero. Remember school? 123 00:13:20,502 --> 00:13:21,436 What? 124 00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:22,402 Remember school? 125 00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:23,602 What about school? 126 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,669 He's always been like that. I mean Remember when he was 127 00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:28,702 on meds for a while, tried to kill himself. Remember? 128 00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:30,937 Getting cutting from the football team. 129 00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:34,037 he was closer to Michael than the rest of us.. 130 00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:34,769 Ok.. 131 00:13:35,569 --> 00:13:37,003 I should go get him, huh? 132 00:13:37,037 --> 00:13:38,336 I'll come with you ... 133 00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:43,536 No -- I'd better do this one alone. This needs a woman's 134 00:13:43,569 --> 00:13:48,536 touch. Besides, it's probably not a good idea if you came 135 00:13:48,569 --> 00:13:51,236 You'd just make things worse. 136 00:13:51,269 --> 00:13:53,136 I'll go! 137 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,970 What did I do? 138 00:17:23,036 --> 00:17:25,536 This was a mistake ... 139 00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:29,002 This wasn't supposed to happen Michael ... 140 00:17:29,036 --> 00:17:32,336 We where supposed to go away together, Michael ... 141 00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:33,502 Remember, 142 00:17:34,436 --> 00:17:37,202 See? You never really lose it after high 143 00:17:37,236 --> 00:17:39,236 school. It's like riding a bike. 144 00:17:40,469 --> 00:17:43,302 More like ridinga rusty Moped, For you.. 145 00:17:43,336 --> 00:17:45,236 Watch it! 146 00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:47,369 What? Did I hit a nerve? 147 00:17:47,402 --> 00:17:49,402 I got nerves of steel.. 148 00:17:51,102 --> 00:17:54,269 Alright since you have nerves of steel, 149 00:17:54,302 --> 00:17:55,936 I got a dare for you. 150 00:17:55,969 --> 00:17:57,835 Oh, ho, a dare? Go for it. 151 00:18:01,636 --> 00:18:04,036 I dare you to pack a suitcase 152 00:18:04,069 --> 00:18:04,969 and fly away with me? 153 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,202 Fly away with you? 154 00:18:10,236 --> 00:18:12,669 Yeah.We will go to some tropical island start over.. 155 00:18:12,702 --> 00:18:15,336 We could be bartenders or something. 156 00:18:15,369 --> 00:18:17,902 Let me get this straight. You want me to give up 157 00:18:17,936 --> 00:18:20,636 my millionaire lifestyle, fly off with you to some 158 00:18:20,669 --> 00:18:23,969 yet-unidentified tropical island and maybe get a job 159 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,536 as a bartender or something? 160 00:18:27,969 --> 00:18:30,502 When's the last time you heard of a dare be so easy. 161 00:18:33,169 --> 00:18:36,002 Well, to be honest, it doesn't sound like all 162 00:18:36,036 --> 00:18:38,736 that crazy of an idea. No matter what you have, you 163 00:18:38,768 --> 00:18:41,136 wind up hating it, sometimes, you know? 164 00:18:46,402 --> 00:18:48,102 But? 165 00:18:49,636 --> 00:18:53,636 But.. I couldn't do it. No way. I mean, what the 166 00:18:53,669 --> 00:18:56,036 hell would I tell my wife anyway ...?!? 167 00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,702 I forgot, you're married.. 168 00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:02,336 Its funny I haven't met her, every time im around she's out 169 00:19:02,369 --> 00:19:05,236 out! You know lesser man might think you were making 170 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,169 this so called wife up? 171 00:19:07,202 --> 00:19:09,069 Look, I'll come clean. There's a reason you guys don't 172 00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:10,502 know about her. 173 00:19:16,402 --> 00:19:17,602 And that reason is ...? 174 00:19:17,636 --> 00:19:21,636 I'd rather keep my private life private, okay? 175 00:19:30,868 --> 00:19:33,536 How can this happen ! 176 00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:47,469 Alan ... 177 00:19:47,502 --> 00:19:49,336 Don't worry about me, Bess. I'm fine ... 178 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,202 Please have a seat! 179 00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:05,536 Wow.. What's this all about? 180 00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:11,636 Before we are to begin, I am instructed to play 181 00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:14,602 Mr. Stevenson's living will for you. 182 00:20:14,636 --> 00:20:16,701 Creep-o-rama! 183 00:20:16,735 --> 00:20:18,069 Indeed. 184 00:20:18,102 --> 00:20:19,269 There's six chairs. 185 00:20:20,269 --> 00:20:23,701 Yes. Six of you were invited to the reading. 186 00:20:23,735 --> 00:20:24,902 Six? 187 00:20:24,936 --> 00:20:31,402 Yourself, your companion Mr. Nero here, the two others that 188 00:20:31,436 --> 00:20:33,002 accompanied you here ... 189 00:20:33,036 --> 00:20:35,169 And Hayden ... 190 00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:37,868 Hey Guys! I was over there, paying my respects and 191 00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:39,369 heard you guys in here ... 192 00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:40,801 Speak of the devil! 193 00:20:40,835 --> 00:20:42,169 What's going on? 194 00:20:42,202 --> 00:20:44,801 I guess it's Michael's living will. 195 00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:46,436 His living... will? 196 00:20:47,602 --> 00:20:51,635 Please be seat, Mr. Castlemeyer. I'm certain all 197 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:54,169 will become clear to you. Shortly .. 198 00:20:56,302 --> 00:20:59,269 I guess the other chair's for his brother? 199 00:20:59,302 --> 00:21:02,668 His brother was specifically omitted from this reading. 200 00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:06,402 Wow, even after he dies, he's got it in for his brother. 201 00:21:06,436 --> 00:21:08,402 Un-frickin'- believable ...! 202 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,336 Right. 203 00:21:11,369 --> 00:21:16,202 To answer your question, Mr. Michaels, the sixth seat is 204 00:21:16,236 --> 00:21:18,136 Mr. Stevenson's widow. 205 00:21:19,701 --> 00:21:22,469 His widow... This is waaaay too much. 206 00:21:22,502 --> 00:21:25,102 What ? Michael... Had a widow? 207 00:21:26,469 --> 00:21:29,801 Wow this is what i get for showing up late.. 208 00:21:29,835 --> 00:21:34,002 Well, shouldn't we like wait for her? What about Bess? 209 00:21:34,036 --> 00:21:35,701 and Alan? 210 00:21:35,735 --> 00:21:40,102 Ahh.. Alan's a bit freaked out right now. Bess went to go 211 00:21:40,136 --> 00:21:42,136 grab him Im sure we can just replay it when they come 212 00:21:42,169 --> 00:21:43,668 back.. 213 00:21:43,701 --> 00:21:46,369 I hoped to inter Mr. Stevenson's remains before the 214 00:21:46,402 --> 00:21:47,536 sun went down. 215 00:21:47,569 --> 00:21:50,701 But in hopes of moving along, I'll begin playing Mr. 216 00:21:50,735 --> 00:21:55,336 Stevenson's will for you and if they show up, Hopefully 217 00:21:55,369 --> 00:21:57,768 They can see it... Other why's i'll make an exception and 218 00:21:57,801 --> 00:21:58,868 replay it for them later., 219 00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:01,801 Excuse me, Isn't this suppose to be done in a 220 00:22:01,835 --> 00:22:02,202 lawyer's office? 221 00:22:03,601 --> 00:22:06,868 Like I said before, I'm an old friend of Mr. Stevenson's. It 222 00:22:06,902 --> 00:22:09,202 was in written instruction for us to handle the 223 00:22:09,236 --> 00:22:13,202 the reading of his will, as well as the other arrangements 224 00:22:13,236 --> 00:22:15,801 somewhat unorthodox proceeding. 225 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,069 "Unorthodox proceedings?" 226 00:22:24,169 --> 00:22:25,336 Hi, gang! 227 00:22:25,369 --> 00:22:26,568 Oh, man ... 228 00:22:26,601 --> 00:22:27,635 Whatt! 229 00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:29,735 This just keeps getting weirder and weirder ... 230 00:22:29,768 --> 00:22:31,601 If you're reading this, chances are pretty good 231 00:22:31,635 --> 00:22:33,868 that I've moved on to the Great Beyond 232 00:22:33,902 --> 00:22:36,236 -- or that I finally put together that harem of 233 00:22:36,269 --> 00:22:39,635 talking about. In any event, I'm no longer 234 00:22:39,668 --> 00:22:42,502 here and the six of you, the six watching 235 00:22:42,535 --> 00:22:45,202 this DVD, are my only living legacy. 236 00:22:45,236 --> 00:22:48,936 You were all my best friends. You helped me 237 00:22:48,969 --> 00:22:50,635 through some of the worst times of my life, 238 00:22:50,668 --> 00:22:52,801 and helped make some of my best. 239 00:22:52,835 --> 00:22:55,668 And to repay you for being the incredible 240 00:22:55,701 --> 00:22:57,502 people you have always been to me, 241 00:22:57,535 --> 00:22:59,535 I am leaving you my fortune. 242 00:23:00,801 --> 00:23:02,202 Not in my wildest dreams ... 243 00:23:02,236 --> 00:23:03,169 Shhhhh! This is important! 244 00:23:03,202 --> 00:23:05,169 It was very important to decide how I would 245 00:23:05,202 --> 00:23:07,601 split up my inheritance with my best friends and 246 00:23:07,635 --> 00:23:10,668 my beautiful wife. I also know that my 247 00:23:10,701 --> 00:23:13,169 brother, Peter, will most likely contend my 248 00:23:13,202 --> 00:23:15,535 last wishes. Therefore, I had to go about 249 00:23:15,568 --> 00:23:18,768 things in a slightly unusual manner. 250 00:23:18,801 --> 00:23:21,535 I have instructed my old family friend, Konner 251 00:23:21,568 --> 00:23:23,102 Friel, to hide a key somewhere inside of 252 00:23:23,136 --> 00:23:24,369 my mansion. 253 00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:26,535 He is to allow you to go anywhere inside 254 00:23:26,568 --> 00:23:28,868 my house that you wish, to look for the key. 255 00:23:28,902 --> 00:23:32,102 One of you will find it. To the one who does: 256 00:23:32,136 --> 00:23:35,169 it unlocks a safe here in the den. The safe 257 00:23:35,202 --> 00:23:37,369 contains the deeds to all my property, as 258 00:23:37,402 --> 00:23:39,369 well as the numbers to my Swiss bank 259 00:23:39,402 --> 00:23:41,436 accounts, the title of record to all my 260 00:23:41,468 --> 00:23:45,801 cars, boats and my private plane. You will 261 00:23:45,835 --> 00:23:48,136 be given legal ownership to my entire fortune. 262 00:23:48,169 --> 00:23:50,568 You may then divide the estate in any 263 00:23:50,601 --> 00:23:52,902 manner you wish, among the others who 264 00:23:52,936 --> 00:23:54,768 have been invited to attend my funeral. 265 00:23:54,801 --> 00:23:57,735 Or ... you can keep it for yourself. That's 266 00:23:57,768 --> 00:24:00,902 for you to decide. I figure, doing it this 267 00:24:00,936 --> 00:24:06,236 last gift of a treasure hunt, a game, I don't 268 00:24:06,269 --> 00:24:08,468 want you guys to mourn my passing. 269 00:24:08,501 --> 00:24:11,369 I want you to be happy. I know, in 270 00:24:11,402 --> 00:24:14,369 your hearts, you will be fair to each other, 271 00:24:14,402 --> 00:24:17,735 and fair to my memory. And Nero, 272 00:24:17,768 --> 00:24:19,668 don't ask Konner to tell you where he's 273 00:24:19,701 --> 00:24:21,302 hidden the key. He won't tell you. 274 00:24:22,969 --> 00:24:23,801 Come On ... 275 00:24:23,835 --> 00:24:26,601 And to the rest of you: I love you all. 276 00:24:26,635 --> 00:24:30,902 Thank you for having enriched my life. I 277 00:24:30,936 --> 00:24:33,435 hope I've done the same for you ... 278 00:24:34,668 --> 00:24:37,635 Why am I even surprised? 279 00:24:37,668 --> 00:24:40,269 I'm surprised I haven't torn this place apart already! 280 00:24:40,302 --> 00:24:44,336 Now look. This is wrong or at least im fairly 281 00:24:44,369 --> 00:24:45,369 certain it's wrong. 282 00:24:45,401 --> 00:24:47,336 Screw "wrong", I need the cash! 283 00:24:51,601 --> 00:24:53,735 This is what I get for showing up late, right? 284 00:24:53,768 --> 00:24:55,435 This is ridiculous. 285 00:24:55,468 --> 00:24:56,302 Where's Bess and Alan? 286 00:24:57,601 --> 00:25:00,236 Alan got emotional and took off, Bess took off after him. 287 00:25:00,269 --> 00:25:02,668 They should be back by now. 288 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:04,768 Because they need to see this, right? 289 00:25:04,801 --> 00:25:07,535 I think we should forget about it and go home! 290 00:25:08,835 --> 00:25:10,635 Just tell me: this is one of Michael's jokes, 291 00:25:10,668 --> 00:25:12,735 right? There's no key? Michael just dug the 292 00:25:12,768 --> 00:25:14,102 fact that we'd spend his funeral running 293 00:25:14,136 --> 00:25:16,069 around his house playing "Scavenger Hunt"? 294 00:25:16,102 --> 00:25:17,668 This isn't a joke. 295 00:25:17,701 --> 00:25:20,969 Well, this is wrong.Give the key to his wife or something 296 00:25:21,002 --> 00:25:24,368 When ever she decides to come.. 297 00:25:24,401 --> 00:25:25,701 Look We gotta go find the others. 298 00:25:25,735 --> 00:25:28,069 We got to tell them at-least about this ... 299 00:25:28,102 --> 00:25:30,102 I don't even think I know about "this" ... 300 00:25:30,136 --> 00:25:32,435 One more thing, Mr. Michaels. 301 00:25:32,468 --> 00:25:33,468 Ya.. 302 00:25:33,501 --> 00:25:35,501 Mrs. Stevenson is already here. 303 00:25:37,336 --> 00:25:38,868 Well, Then we will find her, too. 304 00:25:43,069 --> 00:25:44,701 You have no idea ... 305 00:25:52,435 --> 00:25:53,236 Bess? 306 00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:54,768 Alan? 307 00:25:56,102 --> 00:25:58,102 We definitely gotta talk. 308 00:26:52,269 --> 00:26:52,936 "Mumbling" 309 00:26:53,835 --> 00:26:55,835 Michael said "whoever gets the key". 310 00:26:57,268 --> 00:26:59,601 They snooze, they lose. 311 00:27:10,501 --> 00:27:13,136 What's the one place you'd hide something 312 00:27:13,169 --> 00:27:15,568 in where you'd be sure nobody would look? 313 00:27:18,835 --> 00:27:21,601 Okay, Fine, it's just like cleaning 314 00:27:21,635 --> 00:27:24,435 out a litter box ... except the kitty 315 00:27:24,468 --> 00:27:27,036 litter's your old drinking buddy .. 316 00:27:41,002 --> 00:27:44,701 Man, I am not getting blamed for this ...! 317 00:29:55,135 --> 00:29:56,801 You really think anybody's up here? 318 00:29:56,835 --> 00:29:58,868 Well, We need to find out where the hell Nero is? 319 00:29:58,902 --> 00:30:00,668 We get every one riled up and this thing turns 320 00:30:00,701 --> 00:30:02,668 into a friggin' circus. 321 00:30:02,701 --> 00:30:04,168 What do you care? 322 00:30:04,201 --> 00:30:05,868 Well, I don't know about you, but 323 00:30:05,902 --> 00:30:08,301 l was good friend's with Michae 324 00:30:08,335 --> 00:30:11,301 Actually, I'm kinda surprised every one showed up... 325 00:30:11,335 --> 00:30:13,668 Michael Did some pretty messed up things over the years.. 326 00:30:13,701 --> 00:30:15,335 I think he was pretty much the reason 327 00:30:15,368 --> 00:30:18,335 everybody decided to go their separate ways. 328 00:30:18,368 --> 00:30:19,768 Especially Nero. 329 00:30:19,801 --> 00:30:22,068 What does that mean? 330 00:30:22,101 --> 00:30:25,002 Look, I didn't put the pieces together until 331 00:30:25,036 --> 00:30:27,168 you guys mentioned Michael had actually gotten 332 00:30:27,201 --> 00:30:29,235 married .I heard that, too, but come on, it's 333 00:30:29,268 --> 00:30:31,201 Michael. We are talking about here. 334 00:30:31,235 --> 00:30:32,801 I didn't believe it. 335 00:30:32,835 --> 00:30:34,835 What do you mean "pieces" to what? 336 00:30:36,435 --> 00:30:38,902 Nero told me a story one time. He was kinda vague about it.. 337 00:30:38,936 --> 00:30:39,735 But... 338 00:30:43,568 --> 00:30:45,735 Supposedly, Michael comes home from a business 339 00:30:45,768 --> 00:30:47,969 trip. He was supposed to come back a day 340 00:30:48,002 --> 00:30:50,435 later, but the flight got bumped. Something like 341 00:30:50,468 --> 00:30:53,401 that. He gets home and -- surprise! -- there's a 342 00:30:53,435 --> 00:30:56,668 strange car already parked in the driveway. 343 00:35:45,035 --> 00:35:46,135 Michael ... 344 00:35:46,867 --> 00:35:48,201 What are you doing here?!? 345 00:35:49,068 --> 00:35:50,767 I was about to ask the same thing. 346 00:35:52,235 --> 00:35:53,235 Where is she? 347 00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:55,168 Seriously, man .. 348 00:35:55,201 --> 00:35:57,201 Where is she, Nero?!? 349 00:36:00,834 --> 00:36:04,301 Your going to regret this,.. Both of you.. 350 00:36:04,335 --> 00:36:07,235 It was Nero. He'd been seeing Michael's 351 00:36:07,268 --> 00:36:09,734 wife behind his back. Before that, they'd 352 00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:11,601 been best friends. 353 00:36:11,635 --> 00:36:14,135 And Michael didn't get a divorce? 354 00:36:14,168 --> 00:36:16,935 Come on you know Michael. I bet you he had 355 00:36:16,968 --> 00:36:18,767 four or five girls side.. 356 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,468 He probably with one of 'em on that trip. 357 00:36:21,501 --> 00:36:23,767 I think he was more messed up that it was Nero 358 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,800 he found with his wife. 359 00:36:25,834 --> 00:36:27,301 Man, this worse than a soap opera! 360 00:36:27,335 --> 00:36:28,800 Tell me about it! 361 00:36:28,834 --> 00:36:29,935 No wonder his widow didn't show up. 362 00:36:29,968 --> 00:36:31,135 She's probably embarrassed! 363 00:36:32,335 --> 00:36:35,001 Thats what's worse: How did we all 364 00:36:35,035 --> 00:36:37,368 not get invited to the wedding? C'mon, 365 00:36:37,401 --> 00:36:39,834 you know Michael would have made a big deal 366 00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:42,800 about tying the knot. What's the big secret? 367 00:36:42,834 --> 00:36:44,468 You're talking about a guy who turned his 368 00:36:44,501 --> 00:36:45,834 own funeral into a free- for-all. 369 00:36:46,734 --> 00:36:48,201 Your Right... 370 00:36:48,235 --> 00:36:49,935 look, Doesn't like anybody's up here. 371 00:36:49,968 --> 00:36:51,668 What do you want to do? 372 00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:53,468 I say we go back downstairs and see 373 00:36:53,501 --> 00:36:55,268 if Alan and Bess are around. 374 00:36:55,301 --> 00:36:59,401 Speaking Alan what's the big deal? I mean, . 375 00:36:59,435 --> 00:37:02,268 He's taking this pretty hard.. 376 00:37:03,535 --> 00:37:06,867 Do you think him and Michael were an item? 377 00:37:06,901 --> 00:37:08,901 I think the less we know about what 378 00:37:08,935 --> 00:37:10,201 everybody was up to since school, the 379 00:37:10,235 --> 00:37:12,101 happier we're gonna be .. 380 00:37:12,135 --> 00:37:13,568 Bess.... 381 00:37:13,601 --> 00:37:15,068 What are you doing up here? 382 00:37:15,101 --> 00:37:17,935 I'm looking for Alan. Apparently, he left the 383 00:37:17,968 --> 00:37:21,401 bathroom, but now, I can't find him. 384 00:37:21,435 --> 00:37:23,268 What are you doing up here? 385 00:37:23,301 --> 00:37:25,101 Well, it seems like Michael's last wish was 386 00:37:25,135 --> 00:37:27,867 to hide a key to his safety deposit box somewhere 387 00:37:27,901 --> 00:37:29,800 around here and now everybody's crazy to 388 00:37:29,834 --> 00:37:30,901 find it. 389 00:37:33,734 --> 00:37:35,734 Bess? You okay? 390 00:37:37,268 --> 00:37:41,201 Yeah, just kind of disgusted that Michael would pull 391 00:37:41,235 --> 00:37:43,035 a dumb stunt like that. 392 00:37:43,068 --> 00:37:45,301 Well, We need to find Nero before he single-handedly 393 00:37:45,335 --> 00:37:47,468 tears this place apart. If you see him, 394 00:37:47,501 --> 00:37:49,501 tell him to stay put.. 395 00:37:49,535 --> 00:37:52,168 You know he's not gonna listen to me! 396 00:37:52,201 --> 00:37:54,867 Then kick him in the crotch or something ... 397 00:39:15,667 --> 00:39:17,001 What's the problem? 398 00:39:17,035 --> 00:39:18,901 See for yourself. 399 00:39:24,667 --> 00:39:27,335 Uh ... what the hell's going on here? 400 00:39:27,368 --> 00:39:30,401 You got me. Maybe they ran out of coffee? Shane 401 00:39:30,435 --> 00:39:31,368 Try again. 402 00:39:32,301 --> 00:39:34,068 Now look, I came in here and found the urn or 403 00:39:34,101 --> 00:39:36,368 whatever the hell you call that thing like that. Empty. 404 00:39:36,401 --> 00:39:39,368 Look if this is a practical Joke, it's not funny. 405 00:39:39,401 --> 00:39:42,567 Yeah ... You know remind me never to anything to do with 406 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,634 Michael Stevenson again. I usually like to having 407 00:39:45,667 --> 00:39:48,168 my head messed this much unless it's got a descent 408 00:39:48,201 --> 00:39:50,534 dee-jay and flashing lights to go with it. 409 00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:52,368 Well, Maybe that Konner Friel guy scattered the 410 00:39:52,401 --> 00:39:54,035 ashes already? He looked like he was in a hurry. 411 00:39:54,068 --> 00:39:57,235 I'm not a funeral expert, but if he were going to do 412 00:39:57,268 --> 00:39:59,600 something like scatter the ashes, wouldn't you 413 00:39:59,634 --> 00:40:01,068 need to take along the urn? 414 00:40:02,301 --> 00:40:04,468 I came in here right that "living will". what ever 415 00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:07,368 hell that was. There wasn't any time for 416 00:40:07,401 --> 00:40:09,035 anybody to do anything. 417 00:40:09,068 --> 00:40:11,700 Do I even want to ask how you where the first 418 00:40:11,734 --> 00:40:13,235 one to find the empty urn .. 419 00:40:13,268 --> 00:40:14,667 Ask away, bud. 420 00:40:15,301 --> 00:40:17,435 Maybe you snorted it... 421 00:40:17,467 --> 00:40:20,368 Piss off, bookworm! Alright I came in, here looking for the 422 00:40:20,401 --> 00:40:22,567 key, and i thought the creepy dude stashed it in with 423 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,435 Mikey's ashes that's it that's how I found, okay? 424 00:40:25,467 --> 00:40:26,600 Dude.. 425 00:40:26,634 --> 00:40:28,401 Anything else you want to criticize me over? 426 00:40:28,435 --> 00:40:30,168 That's sick. 427 00:40:30,201 --> 00:40:31,301 Hey, if people weren't sick, we wouldn't need 428 00:40:31,335 --> 00:40:32,401 penicillin! 429 00:40:32,435 --> 00:40:34,435 Ok, cool down, Nero. This is serious. 430 00:40:42,201 --> 00:40:43,168 Ummm.... 431 00:40:43,201 --> 00:40:45,600 Here's something else you're gonna find 432 00:40:45,634 --> 00:40:47,968 interesting.Not only are missing the ashes ... 433 00:40:48,001 --> 00:40:50,268 .. but there were no ashes to begin with. 434 00:40:52,767 --> 00:40:54,101 Damn.. 435 00:40:54,135 --> 00:40:55,467 Look, maybe we should go find that 436 00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:56,734 funeral director guy ? 437 00:40:56,767 --> 00:40:58,500 NO,, what we should do is leave!! 438 00:40:58,534 --> 00:41:00,001 We already paid our respects. The rest of this, 439 00:41:00,035 --> 00:41:01,368 we don't want to be a part of. 440 00:41:01,401 --> 00:41:03,068 Speak for yourself, Shane. 441 00:41:03,101 --> 00:41:06,734 Yeah ... I mean, if I find that key, it's not 442 00:41:06,767 --> 00:41:09,235 like I'm handing it over to charity. I 443 00:41:09,268 --> 00:41:10,401 love money, too. 444 00:41:10,434 --> 00:41:13,935 Look I have a very strong feeling that if you do 445 00:41:13,968 --> 00:41:15,434 find that key. Your not going to like it.. 446 00:41:15,467 --> 00:41:16,700 Oh My GOD.. 447 00:41:16,734 --> 00:41:18,634 Ya I mean cut the "bad karma" crap, Shane? 448 00:41:19,834 --> 00:41:22,434 Look, Michael left one of us a large, large 449 00:41:22,467 --> 00:41:25,301 sum of money.. He did it the typical Michael way. 450 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,901 This..This Is probably just part of the joke. 451 00:41:30,935 --> 00:41:34,268 Yeah. I know. Were on par for the course. 452 00:41:34,301 --> 00:41:38,168 Ya Well.. Any you guys go find the funeral director. 453 00:41:38,201 --> 00:41:40,767 Whoa, Whoa.. Where are you going? 454 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,235 I'm gonna be rich by sunset, suckers! 455 00:41:42,268 --> 00:41:43,235 Dammit, Nero.. 456 00:41:43,268 --> 00:41:46,368 Let him go. He's not going to find the key. 457 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,068 That's not what I'm worried about. What I'm worried 458 00:41:48,101 --> 00:41:49,368 we should probably call the cops 459 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,101 and when we do Mr. Space Cadet is running around, 460 00:41:51,135 --> 00:41:52,800 trying to find the key.. and then there going to think 461 00:41:52,834 --> 00:41:54,035 we're involved in this. 462 00:41:54,068 --> 00:41:55,800 If the cops show up... We will just pretend 463 00:41:55,834 --> 00:41:58,467 like we don't know him. 464 00:43:26,168 --> 00:43:28,334 Maybe he went out for a late lunch? 465 00:43:28,367 --> 00:43:29,834 Or a drink. 466 00:43:29,867 --> 00:43:31,767 Or to meet up with the rest of the Addams' family. 467 00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,767 Maybe he did do something with Michael's ashes? 468 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,300 Look I'm telling you, there were no ashes in there. 469 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,901 We could always call the cops. 470 00:43:41,935 --> 00:43:43,901 Sure, "YA, Nine-One-One? Ya look somebody stole 471 00:43:43,935 --> 00:43:46,068 my buddy's ashes. No, I'm not on drugs. 472 00:43:46,101 --> 00:43:49,567 No, I swear, You know how ridicules that sounds ? 473 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,800 Besides, what if we're wrong and the cops come and 474 00:43:51,834 --> 00:43:53,467 we crash Michael's funeral? 475 00:43:53,500 --> 00:43:56,235 Michael did a pretty good job of that all by himself. 476 00:43:57,901 --> 00:44:00,135 Why was Nero doing in there, anyway? 477 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:04,101 Oh, joy. It's the "ol'hide the key cremation" gag. 478 00:44:05,700 --> 00:44:08,700 I just dont know why Nero was that desperate for the money. 479 00:44:10,300 --> 00:44:13,667 The bigger question is why would Michael leave us 480 00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:15,467 the rest of his money.. 481 00:44:16,201 --> 00:44:18,434 We're his friends? 482 00:44:18,467 --> 00:44:22,567 Na, I mean we ended things badly. 483 00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:23,600 Really? 484 00:44:24,567 --> 00:44:26,767 Ya, I did some "creative accounting" 485 00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,035 for him a while back and lost him a ton of money. 486 00:44:29,068 --> 00:44:32,434 It was right around the time we all went our 487 00:44:32,467 --> 00:44:34,968 separate ways. I don't think he ever forgave me. 488 00:44:36,867 --> 00:44:38,935 So why would he give me the opportunity to get 489 00:44:38,968 --> 00:44:40,867 the rest of his money? 490 00:44:40,901 --> 00:44:42,901 Maybe he forgave you? 491 00:44:44,334 --> 00:44:46,334 He seemed like he forgave a lot of people.. 492 00:44:48,367 --> 00:44:50,267 You know what would be funny? 493 00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:52,800 Uh ... what? Because I could use a good laugh. 494 00:44:52,834 --> 00:44:55,700 Let's Just say that Konner Friel hid the key in 495 00:44:55,734 --> 00:45:01,400 this bar and then, let's say, I find the key and i give the 496 00:45:01,434 --> 00:45:06,600 money to everybody except Nero ... 497 00:45:06,634 --> 00:45:09,068 That would be pretty funny. 498 00:45:10,434 --> 00:45:12,567 And then, let's say ... 499 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,500 What is it? The key? 500 00:45:18,035 --> 00:45:20,667 A black widow's veil. Who cares? 501 00:45:20,700 --> 00:45:22,667 Michael's wife probably stashed it in there.. 502 00:45:22,700 --> 00:45:24,434 Why would she put it in the bar?!? I mean 503 00:45:24,467 --> 00:45:26,534 why is it in there.. 504 00:45:26,567 --> 00:45:27,935 Well, If this chick is crazy enough to marry Michael, 505 00:45:27,968 --> 00:45:31,200 Well, If this chick is crazy enough to marry Michael, 506 00:45:31,234 --> 00:45:34,234 she's Likely crazy enough to do just about anything .. 507 00:45:34,267 --> 00:45:38,935 Besides why would Michael have a widows veil in his bar? 508 00:45:38,968 --> 00:45:42,634 He was a little weird,but it's not like.... 509 00:45:45,767 --> 00:45:48,434 Oh, boy .. 510 00:46:18,901 --> 00:46:21,767 Is any body here?!? 511 00:46:23,267 --> 00:46:25,667 I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea ... 512 00:46:59,367 --> 00:47:00,134 Godd.... 513 00:47:04,935 --> 00:47:10,234 This is terrible ...! How could this happen? 514 00:47:11,700 --> 00:47:14,567 Who would have done such a thing. 515 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,067 Mrs. Stevenson? 516 00:47:16,100 --> 00:47:19,234 Mrs. Stevenson? Im so sorry. I dont know how 517 00:47:19,267 --> 00:47:20,767 this could have happened!! 518 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,634 I dont know who would do such thing? 519 00:47:26,500 --> 00:47:29,968 Mrs. Stevenson? You ... I have to call the police . 520 00:47:30,001 --> 00:47:33,634 You have to help me on this one? 521 00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,867 Mrs. Stevenson ... 522 00:47:39,267 --> 00:47:43,100 This is no way to run a funeral, Mr. Friel ... 523 00:47:43,134 --> 00:47:45,667 I have, have, dont know who would have done this? 524 00:47:45,700 --> 00:47:49,534 We're going to need another body to burn ... 525 00:48:38,567 --> 00:48:39,901 If you want my honest opinion, I think we're being 526 00:48:39,935 --> 00:48:41,034 messed with. 527 00:48:41,067 --> 00:48:43,134 Yeah ... but by who? That funeral director? 528 00:48:43,167 --> 00:48:45,200 Maybe. "Friend of the family" my ass! 529 00:48:45,234 --> 00:48:47,467 he's a little big to be dressing up as the widow? 530 00:48:47,500 --> 00:48:49,034 That's the whole thing, nobody's actually 531 00:48:49,067 --> 00:48:50,667 know's what the widow looks like. Do they? 532 00:48:50,700 --> 00:48:52,234 You think the whole widow thing is fake? 533 00:48:52,267 --> 00:48:53,901 I don't know, maybe this is one of Michael's joke? 534 00:48:53,935 --> 00:48:57,300 Maybe it's a scam? Whatever it is,somebody's up to something. 535 00:48:57,334 --> 00:48:58,800 Yeah, but why? 536 00:48:58,834 --> 00:49:00,034 I don't know. But there's money involved; 537 00:49:00,067 --> 00:49:02,334 Probably some thing to do with it. 538 00:49:02,367 --> 00:49:03,634 I'm starting to think you're right 539 00:49:03,667 --> 00:49:06,167 about not wanting that key thing... 540 00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:08,867 Thank God. I've got an idea. 541 00:49:08,901 --> 00:49:09,800 Shoot! 542 00:49:10,767 --> 00:49:13,167 We get everybody and get the hell out of here. 543 00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:14,500 Hey ... where are you going? 544 00:49:14,534 --> 00:49:15,967 I'm going to round up the others. 545 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,434 By yourself? 546 00:49:17,467 --> 00:49:19,167 I'll tell 'em what I found and they'll probably stop looking 547 00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:19,767 for the key.. 548 00:49:20,834 --> 00:49:22,734 That's doubtful ..Nero seems pretty hell-bent 549 00:49:22,767 --> 00:49:23,734 on finding his fortune 550 00:49:23,767 --> 00:49:26,234 Not if I kick his ass first.. 551 00:49:26,267 --> 00:49:28,901 Great and i get to stay here ... By my self.. 552 00:49:28,934 --> 00:49:30,267 And wait for the others .. Yep. 553 00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:32,700 Have you never done this before? 554 00:49:32,734 --> 00:49:34,367 Are you going coming back to get me, right? 555 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,901 No. I was going to wait for you to die.. 556 00:49:36,934 --> 00:49:39,200 Noo, Im coming back alright! 557 00:49:39,234 --> 00:49:41,634 If that funeral director comes back before I do though, 558 00:49:43,300 --> 00:49:44,467 Just play dumb. 559 00:49:47,034 --> 00:49:49,300 Wait ...!!!"If that funeral director comes back.. 560 00:49:51,900 --> 00:49:53,367 Damn it.. 561 00:49:56,067 --> 00:49:56,834 Er ... who's there? 562 00:49:59,867 --> 00:50:03,400 Um, Mr. Friel? I was... I got lost so i just thought. 563 00:50:03,434 --> 00:50:05,867 it would be best to just hang out by the bar.. 564 00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:08,967 I don't even believe that... 565 00:50:20,934 --> 00:50:22,934 This defiantly messed-up! 566 00:50:28,434 --> 00:50:29,734 Still empty... 567 00:55:56,766 --> 00:55:59,334 They coulda hidden the damn thing anywhere!!! 568 00:56:03,766 --> 00:56:06,100 I Wish I had a map, So much easier... 569 00:56:08,467 --> 00:56:10,200 Is that where you hid it, Mikey? 570 00:56:10,234 --> 00:56:12,167 You made it a secret toy surprise in the 571 00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,234 the box of Wheaties ...? 572 00:56:41,167 --> 00:56:45,067 Look Mikey i'm sorry you're dead, Really okay i am.. 573 00:56:45,100 --> 00:56:47,300 Alright .. but I need to find that key. 574 00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:51,566 Tall Tony doesn't take Visa, know what I mean? 575 00:56:51,599 --> 00:56:52,900 Nero ... 576 00:56:52,934 --> 00:56:53,967 Ahhhh...!!! 577 00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:58,733 Awhhh,,, Who are you? How did you know my name? 578 00:56:58,766 --> 00:57:01,699 Michael told me all about you. 579 00:57:01,733 --> 00:57:04,000 What are you doing in here? 580 00:57:04,034 --> 00:57:06,699 I could ask you the same question. 581 00:57:06,733 --> 00:57:09,034 Ya bet uh.. I could answer it before you could 582 00:57:09,067 --> 00:57:11,100 answer why the hell you're wearing a veil 583 00:57:11,134 --> 00:57:12,900 in the middle of the afternoon in some dead 584 00:57:12,934 --> 00:57:13,799 guy's kitchen. 585 00:57:14,866 --> 00:57:17,167 There are some things you don't want to see. 586 00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:18,499 Trust me. 587 00:57:19,034 --> 00:57:21,034 Oh yeah? Like what? 588 00:57:21,633 --> 00:57:23,633 Like my handiwork. 589 00:57:35,134 --> 00:57:37,134 Where the hell is everybody?!? 590 00:57:40,733 --> 00:57:41,799 Hey! 591 00:57:41,833 --> 00:57:43,566 Holy crap ...! 592 00:57:43,599 --> 00:57:44,433 Sorry about that! 593 00:57:45,499 --> 00:57:47,167 It's okay. This place is a friggin' maze. 594 00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,167 Cant find any body.. It's like they all went home. 595 00:57:50,533 --> 00:57:53,433 And this is not a place I wanna hang out by myself. 596 00:57:53,466 --> 00:57:56,000 Well, where did everybody go? 597 00:57:56,034 --> 00:57:58,067 Are they still looking for that key? 598 00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:00,067 Yeah, good luck trying to talk everybody out of 599 00:58:00,100 --> 00:58:03,200 it. They're all looking for a big payday, even if it's 600 00:58:03,234 --> 00:58:05,167 their dead best friend's money ... 601 00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,766 Terrific. Alan's traumatized, he runs off, and I spent 602 00:58:08,799 --> 00:58:10,533 most of the day trying to track him down. 603 00:58:10,566 --> 00:58:13,566 And for some stupid stunt like this! I 604 00:58:13,599 --> 00:58:15,934 should've known. Michael was always good 605 00:58:15,967 --> 00:58:17,866 for some sick practical jokes. 606 00:58:19,399 --> 00:58:20,499 It gets worse. 607 00:58:21,799 --> 00:58:23,000 How? 608 00:58:23,733 --> 00:58:25,733 Michael's ashes is missing. 609 00:58:27,666 --> 00:58:29,134 You're kidding. 610 00:58:29,167 --> 00:58:31,300 Somebody is. Hayden thinks there never 611 00:58:31,334 --> 00:58:33,334 were any ashes in the first place. 612 00:58:34,866 --> 00:58:37,566 Anybody bother to call the cops? 613 00:58:37,599 --> 00:58:41,533 I don't know what's going on. I thought that Konner Friel 614 00:58:41,566 --> 00:58:43,733 guy scattered ashes or whatever but 615 00:58:43,766 --> 00:58:45,533 but I can't find him, either. 616 00:58:45,566 --> 00:58:47,566 It's like every one here just vanished. 617 00:58:50,034 --> 00:58:51,200 By the way ... 618 00:58:51,234 --> 00:58:52,599 Ya.. 619 00:58:52,633 --> 00:58:54,633 Were gone this whole time, looking for Alan? 620 00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:58,599 It's a big place, Shane. 621 00:58:59,566 --> 00:59:01,433 If you say so. 622 00:59:04,900 --> 00:59:06,167 Shane .. 623 00:59:07,433 --> 00:59:09,433 Are you calling the cops? 624 00:59:10,267 --> 00:59:11,599 I would ... 625 00:59:12,300 --> 00:59:14,300 ... B ut the phone's dead. 626 00:59:15,900 --> 00:59:19,599 And I have zero bars on my phone. 627 00:59:19,633 --> 00:59:20,967 Mine, too. 628 00:59:22,300 --> 00:59:24,300 I'm never going to another funeral. Ever. 629 00:59:26,234 --> 00:59:29,000 You think I had something to do with all this? 630 00:59:29,034 --> 00:59:32,499 long time. 631 00:59:32,533 --> 00:59:34,499 You're making a mistake ... 632 00:59:38,799 --> 00:59:40,766 Oh ... God ... Hayden . 633 00:59:42,034 --> 00:59:45,000 Shane ... Shane 634 00:59:46,799 --> 00:59:48,934 The widow is here.. 635 00:59:48,967 --> 00:59:49,234 What? 636 00:59:50,234 --> 00:59:52,234 The widow's here ... I saw who it was ... 637 00:59:54,100 --> 00:59:56,934 It's Her! Its Her! 638 01:00:00,167 --> 01:00:02,599 It's ok... It's ok.. We'll get you to a hospital... 639 01:00:12,566 --> 01:00:15,200 Bess,, What's going on? 640 01:00:15,234 --> 01:00:17,067 Don't. 641 01:00:17,499 --> 01:00:18,533 Bess .. 642 01:00:18,566 --> 01:00:22,067 One of you was bound to figure it out. It's me. 643 01:00:22,100 --> 01:00:23,799 I'm Michael's widow. 644 01:00:25,034 --> 01:00:27,034 Why all these years of secrecy? Why now? 645 01:00:28,234 --> 01:00:30,833 Because they think I did it!!! 646 01:00:30,866 --> 01:00:34,067 I've already gone a few rounds with the cops. I didn't need 647 01:00:34,100 --> 01:00:36,000 you all to come down on me, too ... 648 01:00:36,034 --> 01:00:37,833 You killed him, didn't you? 649 01:00:37,866 --> 01:00:46,134 No! I loved him! He was the poison! All he did was hurt 650 01:00:46,167 --> 01:00:52,733 me! Cheat on me! He broke my heart! He made me feel 651 01:00:52,766 --> 01:00:53,866 like I was nothing! 652 01:01:05,833 --> 01:01:07,833 Michael ... 653 01:01:09,134 --> 01:01:10,699 What are you doing here?!? 654 01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,666 I could ask you the same Question ? 655 01:01:14,167 --> 01:01:15,733 Where is she? 656 01:01:16,733 --> 01:01:17,799 Seriously, man ... 657 01:01:17,833 --> 01:01:19,666 Where is she, Nero?!? 658 01:01:25,100 --> 01:01:27,967 You didn't "catch" us doing anything, Michael 659 01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:32,566 I got your message, I knew the flight got 660 01:01:32,599 --> 01:01:36,733 bumped. I also know what you did in Reno last week. 661 01:01:36,766 --> 01:01:41,233 Paris, last month. Hell, the detective I hired has 662 01:01:41,266 --> 01:01:45,666 stuff on you for the last year. And look on your 663 01:01:45,699 --> 01:01:49,533 face right now? Priceless. 664 01:01:50,799 --> 01:01:52,233 How could you ...? 665 01:01:52,266 --> 01:01:53,733 Either of you ...? 666 01:01:53,766 --> 01:01:56,333 Come on man. She said you were ok with this! 667 01:01:56,366 --> 01:02:00,166 Besides there's always room for one more ... 668 01:02:00,199 --> 01:02:04,134 You're going to regret this. Both of you.. 669 01:02:04,166 --> 01:02:07,599 Michael!!!! Michael!!! 670 01:02:09,199 --> 01:02:10,833 Michael 671 01:02:12,166 --> 01:02:16,034 So we went through a "trial separation". Just more cannon 672 01:02:16,067 --> 01:02:17,934 fodder for the cops. 673 01:02:17,967 --> 01:02:24,366 You don't know all the women he was with. I tried. I tried 674 01:02:24,399 --> 01:02:27,266 to stay with him through all that ... 675 01:02:27,299 --> 01:02:30,034 Just put down the knife ... 676 01:02:30,067 --> 01:02:34,433 You think I killed Hayden, too don't you? And the others. 677 01:02:35,900 --> 01:02:37,466 Who else is dead? 678 01:02:39,299 --> 01:02:43,233 I don't know what you're talking about, rock star. 679 01:02:44,967 --> 01:02:47,866 Look I'm being serious, Bess. You need help. 680 01:02:47,900 --> 01:02:51,866 I'm being serious, too! Nobody's gonna treat me like I 681 01:02:51,900 --> 01:02:55,599 killed my husband! Nobody! 682 01:02:55,633 --> 01:02:58,199 I guess you better start running now. 683 01:03:15,533 --> 01:03:17,499 Come on out, Shane ... 684 01:03:18,399 --> 01:03:20,366 I just want to talk to you, rock star! 685 01:03:23,499 --> 01:03:25,566 Come on Shane ... 686 01:03:25,599 --> 01:03:27,199 I'm going to find you.. 687 01:03:27,233 --> 01:03:28,900 I'm going to find you and 688 01:03:28,934 --> 01:03:31,133 I'm going to kill you ... 689 01:03:32,699 --> 01:03:34,366 I can hear you, rock star. 690 01:03:35,566 --> 01:03:38,299 You're telling everybody about how I killed Michael! 691 01:03:40,934 --> 01:03:44,099 Listen to this, you psychotic bitch! 692 01:03:44,133 --> 01:03:46,133 You're not gonna hit me with that! 693 01:03:52,233 --> 01:03:55,866 That's the best you can do? 694 01:04:14,233 --> 01:04:20,033 Come on Shane.. I just want to talk!! 695 01:04:20,066 --> 01:04:23,233 We can work this out.. 696 01:04:23,266 --> 01:04:26,666 I know you're still in this house Shane... 697 01:04:26,699 --> 01:04:31,166 I locked all the doors. Nobody gets in, nobody 698 01:04:31,199 --> 01:04:35,133 gets out. Not until they listen to me ... 699 01:04:38,033 --> 01:04:41,900 Come on, Shane, one more time for old time's sake? 700 01:04:41,934 --> 01:04:45,633 Just like high school. Right! You remember school right, 701 01:04:45,666 --> 01:04:50,934 You and I dated, Michael and I dated -- hell, 702 01:04:50,967 --> 01:04:53,733 I even made out with Nero a few times. 703 01:04:53,766 --> 01:04:59,066 We don't have any secrets, do we? That's why you know I'd 704 01:04:59,099 --> 01:05:01,833 never kill Michael ... 705 01:05:04,633 --> 01:05:07,766 And there is something else you should really know 706 01:05:07,799 --> 01:05:10,433 -- and this is the part you're really gonna 707 01:05:10,466 --> 01:05:15,266 find funny... there's no key, right? 708 01:05:15,299 --> 01:05:20,499 This whole thing is Michael last big sick 709 01:05:20,533 --> 01:05:25,033 joke? You think he'd ever leave anything to 710 01:05:25,066 --> 01:05:29,666 anybody? Even after he died? He was like 711 01:05:29,699 --> 01:05:32,433 one of those Egyptian pharaohs. He'd have it 712 01:05:32,466 --> 01:05:35,799 all buried in a crypt before he'd ever leave a dime to 713 01:05:35,833 --> 01:05:41,166 anyone! He laughed at you guy's behind your backs! 714 01:05:46,066 --> 01:05:48,566 Best we do this quietly, Shane. 715 01:05:51,399 --> 01:05:53,533 I'm sorry, Mister Bojangles. 716 01:05:53,566 --> 01:05:55,466 But that money is mine ... 717 01:05:56,666 --> 01:06:01,799 If there's anything I hate, it's a poseur ... 718 01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:05,533 What's wrong, Bess? Confused? 719 01:06:29,166 --> 01:06:35,866 Okay, put that friggin' knife down before you hurt somebody. 720 01:06:35,899 --> 01:06:38,166 Had you going, didn't I? 721 01:06:39,433 --> 01:06:44,533 Yeah, well, just don't forget the plan. How long were you 722 01:06:44,566 --> 01:06:47,133 planning on taking to kill that crazy bitch, anyway? 723 01:06:47,166 --> 01:06:49,466 Had to make it look convincing. Otherwise, the 724 01:06:49,499 --> 01:06:51,666 the whole "widow flips out" routine ... Wouldnt work. 725 01:07:11,833 --> 01:07:14,099 Honey ...? 726 01:09:22,333 --> 01:09:24,333 I want a divorce, Michael ... 727 01:09:26,366 --> 01:09:28,366 Bess would never say that. 728 01:09:29,199 --> 01:09:30,633 Are we going to do this or not? 729 01:09:30,666 --> 01:09:32,699 I wanna take of this stupid costume. 730 01:09:32,732 --> 01:09:34,533 It's gotta look convincing for the 731 01:09:34,566 --> 01:09:36,699 camera. The cops are gonna find a hole in it 732 01:09:36,732 --> 01:09:40,099 somewhere. I can hack timestamps and edit 733 01:09:40,133 --> 01:09:42,233 some stuff out, but they'll be looking 734 01:09:42,266 --> 01:09:43,233 for mistakes. 735 01:09:43,266 --> 01:09:44,599 So I can't wear a hockey mask or a 736 01:09:44,633 --> 01:09:45,599 jumpsuit or something? 737 01:09:45,633 --> 01:09:49,199 I'm establishing a theme. Bess is 738 01:09:49,233 --> 01:09:51,233 obsessed with being a widow. She runs 739 01:09:51,266 --> 01:09:53,366 around all dressed up in a veil, she 740 01:09:53,399 --> 01:09:54,798 kills me, then, she wipes out everybody 741 01:09:54,832 --> 01:09:57,233 else at the funeral because I she thinks 742 01:09:57,266 --> 01:09:59,333 I was gonna leave one of them all my money. 743 01:09:59,366 --> 01:10:01,966 Then, once my will gets sorted and all 744 01:10:01,999 --> 01:10:03,466 the assets get transferred to an 745 01:10:03,499 --> 01:10:05,333 overseas account, you and I split the 746 01:10:05,366 --> 01:10:07,899 proceeds and we live tax- free in 747 01:10:07,933 --> 01:10:10,399 some tropical resort somewhere. Everybody 748 01:10:10,433 --> 01:10:12,466 is gonna get what's coming to them ... 749 01:10:12,499 --> 01:10:14,698 Well, short of stabbing you to death myself, 750 01:10:14,732 --> 01:10:16,832 I don't get how they'll believe you got murdered. 751 01:10:16,865 --> 01:10:19,832 Trust me, my friend at the Parkside Funeral 752 01:10:19,865 --> 01:10:21,633 Home is going to handle that part, alright? 753 01:10:21,665 --> 01:10:23,366 How? Is he making up a corpse to 754 01:10:23,399 --> 01:10:27,599 No.... He's gonna forge an autopsy report, then 755 01:10:27,633 --> 01:10:30,399 claim to have "cremated" the body so nobody 756 01:10:30,433 --> 01:10:32,665 can go looking for it. As far as he knows, 757 01:10:32,698 --> 01:10:35,066 I was involved in some sort of scandal before I 758 01:10:35,099 --> 01:10:38,533 died and my folks are paying him to clean it up 759 01:10:38,566 --> 01:10:41,698 it up. Can we get on with this? 760 01:10:41,732 --> 01:10:43,999 Yeah? What if one of your "friends" decides 761 01:10:44,033 --> 01:10:45,499 to spill the beans? 762 01:10:46,566 --> 01:10:49,865 I'll take care of all that at the funeral ... 763 01:10:49,899 --> 01:10:52,933 So. You liked the plan huh? 764 01:10:52,966 --> 01:10:54,966 It was a little more elaborate than it needed to be. 765 01:10:56,832 --> 01:10:58,665 Did everyone need to die? 766 01:10:58,698 --> 01:11:02,233 A necessary evil. I had to make sure Konner 767 01:11:02,266 --> 01:11:06,099 autopsy report, and I had to take care of 768 01:11:06,133 --> 01:11:08,233 Bess, make it look like she'd flipped out 769 01:11:08,266 --> 01:11:11,566 and did all this. You know that. There's 770 01:11:11,599 --> 01:11:14,233 been security cameras running this whole time. 771 01:11:14,266 --> 01:11:17,566 After a performance like that, and with a little editing, 772 01:11:17,599 --> 01:11:19,665 there ain't a jury in the world that would convict you.. 773 01:11:19,698 --> 01:11:21,533 you. All they'll know is that Bess flipped out and 774 01:11:21,566 --> 01:11:24,233 went on a killing spree at some imaginary 775 01:11:24,266 --> 01:11:25,832 funeral she set up. 776 01:11:26,533 --> 01:11:27,899 What about the others? 777 01:11:29,732 --> 01:11:35,499 Well, all those guys screwed me Five years ago, now 778 01:11:35,533 --> 01:11:39,299 it's my turn. You get set for life and I get to get out 779 01:11:39,333 --> 01:11:42,399 of this dress. It's hard to pick up women in a 780 01:11:42,433 --> 01:11:43,732 widow's veil!? 781 01:11:43,765 --> 01:11:45,798 No more loose ends? 782 01:11:45,832 --> 01:11:47,033 Nope. 783 01:11:48,166 --> 01:11:49,533 Good. 784 01:11:49,566 --> 01:11:51,698 Because uh, didn't want to split your estate 785 01:11:51,732 --> 01:11:54,765 with anybody else. Especially not you.